I Tried
by Richess
Summary: Tara needs to tell Spike a secret but can she? For the LJ Spara ficathon. Takes place after the Gift but before Bargaining.


**I Tried**

Written by: Richess

Email: 

Summary: For the LJ Spara ficathon. Takes place after the Gift but before Bargaining.

Disclaimer: I own nothing except my computer (which keeps crashing), some other crap no one wants. I certainly don't own Tara or Spike.

Note: Was extra last and then when I did post the link to LJ the post didn't show up. So now it's here sorry to whomever I was assigned to. I had been MIA from LJ for a while.

* * *

As she walked along the school hallways her conscience weighing heavily on.

Something about this plan was wrong.

Fundamentally.

Ethically.

It burdened her like nothing else had. She couldn't turn to Willow or anyone else in the Scoobies except for one person. The person who was as much of an outsider as she was.

Spike!

He was the only one who could help. But she couldn't reveal the true plan. He would try and make a big deal out it, or stop it. She loved that he loved the Slayer. She had seen his grief even the times he didn't know that she was there. Something in his eyes always gave him away, he looked sad even when he smiled.

She had never know a demon that was more human then most humans. In ways Tara admired him and was frightened of him. The intensity in his gaze and the conviction in his step made her nervous. But the only time he had ever hurt her was to help her. Although it wasn't conventional it was the most practical and straightforward way he could think of. And of everything he had ever done it was probably the sweetest in the most twisted way you could possible think of she laughed.

She was on her way to his crypt to tell him of their plans. To tell him that everyone wanted to leave him out of a decision so life changing for everyone involved. It seemed wrong not to let him know about what they planned to do.

Tara's first guess was that he would be happy but a part of her that nagged her constantly was that he would really be upset with her, with them. That what they planned to do would ruin something noble about Buffy. The thing that made her jump in the first place her unconditional love. In lots of ways Tara knew that all of Buffy's faults made her the true heroine. Her caring and love for others is the only thing that kept her alive and it was the only thing that could kill her for good and now they were about to take that dignity away from her. She was half way there when noticed the walkway to the clearing that held Buffy's body. The witch froze and stared for a bit and then decided to complete her mission. She was there in mere minutes standing out side of his door. She opened it slowly and called his name. There was no answer.

"Spike?"

"What do you want Wicca?" A voice grumbled from the shadows.

"I wanted to talk to you a-about B-Buffy." Tara gritted her teeth after her stutter she hated it when she was nervous.

He examined her demeanour from under hooded eyes. "What about her?"

"I know that you loved her."

"And your point is what?"

"Wel- what if…"

"Don't want to hear it. What if's aren't gonna happen. She's dead." He sighed pushing himself out of the comfy chair that resided in the middle of his crypt.

"But…"

"But nothing Wicca. I know that you are trying to cheer me up or something …"

"Actually I came hear to tell you something else."

"I'm listening."

"Well Willow has an idea…"

"To bring the bot back. I know. She explained it all to me. No big deal." He shrugged.

"But that's not…"

"How are you and Red?"

Tara was a bit taken back by the question, "We are fine? Why?"

The vampire jammed his hand in his jeans pockets. Rolling on the balls of his feet in his patented way.

"Why?" She asked.

"I dunno. Red's kind of been using the mojo a lot lately huh?" He shrugged.

Tara didn't get his point. Well she did but she didn't want to admit it.

"I mean the other day when we went after that nest of vamps she almost set me on fire with that stupid ball of sunlight thing she did."

Tara remember that night all too well.

"I know you had to put with all of my whining from the burns." Spike looked at her sincerely, "Never did say thanks."

She smiled. He looked at her with a sideways glance.

He could see the kindness in her large smokey blue eyes. The innocence and sweetness that lay beneath. A pure soul if he ever saw one. But something in him knew that the 'Powers that be' weren't going to have this kind soul around for too long.

He stepped forward toward her cautiously. She looked at him strangely as if trying to read his mind.

The vampire stepped forward until they were practically nose to nose.

For once the closeness didn't make her nervous. It was like something she expected. Something not frightening.

"You are beautiful you know."

She blushed ducking her head shyly.

"I just wanted you to know that." He brought his fingers up to brush a lock of hair away from her eyes.

"Red's lucky to have you."

"I am lucky to have her."

His glare grew stern, "Don't ever sell yourself short. You are beautiful and sweet and probably the most honest and truthful Scooby. I know that whatever happens you will make sure it's what's best. But don't ever underestimate **your** power. I never did and I never will."

"Thanks… I think." Tara looked at his unreadable expression until it softened with a smile.

"Did you want to talk to me about something?"

"It's not important." She blurted out unsure of what changed her mind but she knew for now it was the right thing to do. "I should go."

"Don't be a stranger." He bellowed after her quickly retreating form.

THE END


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